


Excuse Me, What The Fuck: The Trapper, probably

by orphan_account



Category: Dead by Daylight (Video Game)
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-11-09 09:41:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20851355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The Entity decides to let the little playthings amuse themselves for a bit.Shenanigans ensue, because of course they do.





	1. New Phone, Whomst've This

**Author's Note:**

> i would say i am sorry
> 
> but i would be fucking lying

**Jake: ** yo. what the fuck  
  
**Meg:** YO. WHAT THE FUC.  
  
**Jake: **??? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WE GOT PHONES?  
  
**Dwight: **I have no idea what is happening.  
But I'll take it?  
  
**The Boss: **_**Consider this a reward for good behaviour.**_

**Meg: **oh shit it's the boss  
wait which killer are you  
  
**Jake: **meg

**Meg: **what??

**Jake: **I think that's the entity

**Meg: **_oh shit_  
please don't stab me mr space spider.  
  
**The Boss:**_** I make absolutely zero promises. Have fun, little ones.**_  
  
**Claudette: **...Meg.

**Meg: **yes mom

**Claudette: **what have we talked about annoying The Entity

**Nea: **do it at literally every opportunity

**Dwight: **NO.

**Nea: **you're no fun dad

**Meg: **yeah dad.

**Feng: **yeah dad.

**Dwight: **How am I dad??

**Feng: **Ace is the fun uncle and Bill is the grouchy grandpa

**Ace: **this screen is hard to work  
but thanks, I try to be fun.

**David: **oi, oi, what's up lads

**Nea: **David is totally the older brother with anger issues  
Jane is the Hot Auntie

**Meg: **hey Bill you alive you old man

**Bill: **I regret ever checking this thing  
What do you want, kid?

**Meg: **Fuck Marry Kill: Trapper, Wraith, Shape

**Bill: **....kid what the fuck

**Evan: **What the fuck.

**Nea: **What the fuck who is Evan

**Feng: **Mr. Tapp?

**David: **Nah, Tapp's first name is David too.

**Dwight: **Evan, are you a new survivor??

**Evan: **

**Meg: **oooh, dad got blanked

**Evan: **Meg. Are you the kid who runs fast.

**Meg: **that's me!

**Evan: **Not t'be impolite or anything.  
but I'm going to throw one of my traps at your head.

**Feng: ** _YO WHAT THE FUCK_


	2. Okay Real Shit

**Nea: **okay but real shit  
Fuck Trapper, Marry Wraith, Kill Myers  
  
**Evan: **_what the fuck_

**Meg: **hard agree nea

**Claudette: **w h y.  
Dwight help me

**Dwight: **No, no. She has a point.

**Nea: **FUCK YEAH DAD.

**Evan: **W H A T.  
What kind of NONSENSE are you talking, boy

**Dwight: **I fear for my life but also  
Myers seems like he would stab in the bedroom.

**Meg: **Wraith seems like a sweetie and soft even when trying to smack us in the head.

**Ace: **And you're a Himbo

**Laurie: **He's a WHAT.  
  
**Evan: i'm a what.**

**Ace: **you know what a bimbo is

**Nea: **Trapper is the man version?

**Ace: **Big. Beefy. Boi.

**Evan: **I hate all of you.  
Phil are you seeing this shit.  
  
**Philip**: I'm not laughing I swear.

**Evan: **BETRAYAL.

**David: **yo yo yo. who the fuck is 'Philip'

**Philip: **Ah! I think you know me as The Wraith?? It's good to finally talk to you.

**Meg: **as I said. a sweetie.

**Philip: **David is.. the fighter?? Strange accent??

**David: **That's me, you invisible lamppost.

**Philip: **I. uh. what

**Dwight: **he's calling you tall, I think.

**Evan: **You definitely are that.

**Feng: **Wait.   
Wait.  
The Trapper's name is EVAN.

**Evan: **Yes..?

**Meg: **Wraith's name is PHILIP.

**Ace: **oh my god

**Evan: **Somethin' funny, half-pint?

**Meg: **Your name is EVAN. The dude who goes invisible and hangs us on hooks is called P H I L I P  
what the fuck where did my life get so weird.

**Philip: **Probably when you got snatched up by the giant spider demon in the sky

**The Boss: ** _ **Damn straight.** _


	3. "Okay but real talk" "oh no."

**Nea: **okay but real talk

**Bill: **oh no

**Evan: oh no**

**Nea: **shut up let me talk  
okay real talk

**Bill: **N o.

**Nea: SHUT UP OLD MAN  
**What does the Doctor look like without his creepy static thing on

**Evan: **Uh. Like, how do you mean?

**Feng: **his dumb stretchy grin thingy

**Evan: **OH. Hmn. Bald, big, and stern?

**Meg: **>W>

**Evan: I hate that**

**Meg: **Doctor is Himbo No.2?

**Herman: **I don't know what that word is, but I despise it.

**Feng: WHOMST**

**Ace: **oh jesus who's this now.

**Herman: **Herman Carter, PhD, Doctorate in Modern and Theoretical Medicines, inventor of the Electroconvulsive Therapy Theorems, Chief Therapist and Interrogator of Lerys Memorial Institute.   
But you know me as The Doctor.

**Dwight: **THAT'S A LONG INTRO THOUGH.

**David: **YOU COULDA just said 'Herman Carter, I'm Smarter Than You' and it woulda worked all the fuckin' same

**Herman: **I'll bear that in mind for next time.

**Evan: **Herman you could have stayed away.  
BUT NO.  
YOU'VE DOOMED YOURSELF.

**Nea: **are you telling me that the shocky boi's name is fucking Herman

**Feng: **Why do all the killers have old man names.

**Philip: **hey.

**Feng: **YOU DO. PHILIP. EVAN. 

**Claudette: ** HERMAN.

**Ace: **Wait, wait. What's Hillbilly called?

**Evan: ... **

**Meg: WHAT IS IT OLD MAN**

**David: TELL US.**

**Evan: **Maximillian

**Meg: **OH MY FUCKING GOD  
ITS TIME TO DUEL, YUGIBOI.

**Dwight: **what

**Meg: **i brought a CHAINSAW TO A CARD GAME

**Herman: **...What

**Meg: **ahahahhahaKLSDLF;KSDFS

**Dwight: **Oh shit Meg is choking

**Evan: GOOD.**


	4. David What Is You Chatting

**David: ** **Someone tell that rabbit-masked bizzich that she and 'er goddamn axes can donald duck wite Frank Bough I Lord Mayor ter god get that Hackney Marsh axe aahhht of me thumb-suckin' trials I was 'ere doin' a generator and then I get walloped in the bleedin' Crust of Bread wif a axe from a mile away and Scapa Fla daahhhn in wahn 'it why is this allowed i'm complainin' ter the bloomin' pitch 'n' toss.**

**Meg: **????  
SOMEONE TRANSLATE CRUMPET AND TEA PLEASE

**Anna: **маленький человечек не любит стеклянный топор?

**Nea: **OH GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING  
BOSS WE NEED YOU

**The Boss: ** ** _What now.  
_ ** _ **Oh. Hang on a second.** _

**Anna: **Ах, это паук?  
Hello, little dears.  
Oh!

**Meg: **oh shit can you translate David too?

**The Boss: ** _ **Nope.** _

**Evan: **Wait I got this.  
Hello, Anna, by the way.

**Anna: **Evan, please clean up your traps from around my house.

**Evan: shit  
**

**Feng: **uh oh Evan's in trouble.

**Evan: SHUT.  
**aNYWAY. david said, uh, basically, that Anna's glass axes are bullshit and he's going to complain

<strike> **** </strike> **The Boss: ** _ **I see the complaint, and I summarily ignore it.** _

**David: **FUCK.


	5. KAJsdakjsndjlakdjnas - Evan, probably

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i thought of this like 7 hours ago so here have like 5 lines the actual chapter is coming in a few hours.

**Evan: **askdj'alksdj'ALKSjdal;ksdjal;sdkajsd

**Ace: **you uh   
you good there buddy

**Evan: **turn your FUCKING STATIC FIELD DOWN WHEN WALKING AROUND HERMAN, OH MY FUCKING GOD

**Herman: **uh  
oops?


	6. By The Nine Divines

**Rin: **Hello?  
What is this??

**Meg: **Whomst is this!

**Rin: **Uh-  
Who are you??  
What's going on???

**Anna: **Ah! little ghost child. Hello, it is Bunny.

**Rin: **!!! Huntress.

**Meg: **OH! is this the Spirit? Cute japanese ghost girl??

**Rin: **yes! Hello. Who is this?

**Meg: **The Fast Ginger.

**Rin: **Oh!

**Dwight: **Hullo Rin!

**Rin: **Lockerboy!

**Dwight: ...**

**Meg: **LMAO.

**Dwight: **By the Nine Divines I swear to fuck i will slap you, meg.

**Meg: **you can't do that I need to clap

**Rin: **Clap?

**Meg: _CLAP GHOST CHEEKS_**

**** **Rin: ** **aslmdkamsdkadasd;a .////.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rin has a fat ass prove me wrong


End file.
